10 yachties who shouldn’t be on Facebook

Selfie CV photos, the people who can’t spell and the chick who loses her bag at Hop Store… They should all be banned.

Here are the 10 yachties who shouldn’t be on Facebook:

1) The mum finding her little Jonnie a job


2) The Hop Store bag loser

photo2-21And another one…

photo6-5Another drink p’haps?

3) The holier than thou’s

Screen Shot 2015-05-31 at 8.55.26 PMCome to think of it, I’ve been there a few times; taking myself way too seriously and coming across like a total righteous and condescending knob. Apologies in advance because it will happen again.

4) That fecking photo with the Fort

The most photographed background in Antibes. At least the cloud cover’s different every time?


5) The people who don’t hire South Africans

photo4-13Boo, hiss, boo! Shame on you!

6) The South Africans who speak South African

This includes words like ‘shweeeet’, ‘boet’, ‘check you there bru’, ‘aweh’ and all sorts of other unprofessional nonsense. It’s okay if you don’t understand a single word. And please don’t judge. It’s probably their first time in Europe China.


7) The Desperados

Fake boat papers anyone?

photo5-14Because hey, who needs to do a course when you can do photoshop?


8) The person who cant speell to safe there lives

I’m sorry. I’m a writing snob.


9) The stewardess posers

… Plus. It makes old, ugly stewardesses feel bad.


10) And whatever happened to the legendary Mick Blue?

photo4-14“Mick Blue Comes to you!”


11) Josh Wagner the wanker

Long after publishing this piece, I was reminded of an eleventh yachtie who shouldn’t be on Facebook. A guy so special, so heroic in his own mind, so obviously xenophobic and openly hateful, he deserved his own introduction to yachting’s hall of idiots.

Meet Josh Wagner the wanker.

10857970_10153420116817744_2488321453302621225_nA word of wisdom from the entire South African yachting community:


No hurt intended. Next time you have a brain fart: don’t ask for photo-shopped certificates on Facebook. That’s all.

Thanks to my great mate Brandon for the hours of laughter putting this one together.