I can’t say I’ve ticked my way through a list of the nations. I’ve kissed the odd Italian, had a fling with a Zimbabwean, dated one or two South Africans and am now quite happily ever after with my Swede. But when you come home after a long time, you always seem to compare your observations of men abroad with how the local okes match up.
And please don’t get me wrong, South African men are no tråskpaddor (tree frogs). On the whole, they’re a good-looking, educated, outdoorsy, fun-loving bunch of lads. Some of the best men I know are South African. And landing a local boy is no sin — they’re gorgeous. But on the whole, there’s a page or two missing from the picture book…
- If one cooks dinner, the other does the dishes. It’s the unwritten rule of homes in Europe. And no, it’s not okay to leave all the pots and pans because “the maid is coming tomorrow”. South African men are spoilt their whole lives with great maids, great moms and great wives who cook, clean and spoil, spoil, spoil. And sadly, it turns South African women into a bunch of nagging maids, moms and wives. Our boys need to get better at popping in a load of laundry, vacuuming every now and again, sweeping the terrace. Boys: you’ll be surprised how much happier your woman will be when the housework is shared.
- Experiment in the kitchen. South African boys make delicious braais and that’s about it. I can’t say I’ve been spoilt with a really tasty salad or restaurant-style, home-cooked something from a Saffer boy. (Rourke you don’t count). They may have their favourite spag-bol or good macaroni recipe that work every time, but that’s where the cooking starts and ends.
- Beer bellies are not okay. Every time I come home, I see how much fatter and fatter we’re becoming as a nation (myself included by the way). But South African men’s bellies sing of beer and rugby braais and vleis — especially the older guys. And there’s no excuse! We have one of the best climates in the world, our outdoor sports scene has taken off in the last couple of years, we’re a sport-hungry nation. Why the bellies?
- Dress up! I remember sitting with my mom at the airport in Johannesburg and counting how many men we could see wearing the typical two-tone, way over sized t-shirt, those “boring blue” jeans and white takkies. I’ll give Capetonian boys more credit in the style stakes but on the whole, South African men (and women) are appalling dressers. The Mad Dogs phase of the early 2000’s has stuck on the general population — women in those peachy tracksuits and guys in khaki. Nothing’s tailored or fitted, no playing around with fabrics and colours, hairstyles or upcoming styles.
- Have more fun in the bedroom. I’ve heard a few South African guys mention how good they reckon they are in the sack. Point taken but do they measure up to guys abroad? I’ve had numerous conversations with my South African yachtie mates who return from their first taste of international men with an overwhelming “they knock the socks off local boys”. We’re an apologetic bunch, scared shitless of HIV/AIDS and constantly reminded that “sex is hush”. And there’s far too much Men’s Health Top 100 ways to make her orgasm. The liberal attitude of the guys abroad says “eff folding your socks” and have a good ol’ time!
Agree? Disagree? Would love to hear what you say.